You're so nebulous sometimes
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
