Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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