I think my fart just growled at me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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