you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
