I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
