ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you didnt know i had herpes?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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