Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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