I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
