i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
