Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize