Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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