I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
