it's like iHOP with fire
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
