Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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