Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
