I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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