do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
