Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize