do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
