Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
