im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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