Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
