the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
