How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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