At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
