the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
