Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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