i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
