Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
