I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
