Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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