Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
