the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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