I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
