Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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