You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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