I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
