you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
