When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
