covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A+ Viking dick
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