she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
