She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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