You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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