i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
