at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
