So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
