Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
