so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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