are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
