Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its about making memories worth repressing
what day is it and did you see me today?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
