she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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