All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
