I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
