just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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