I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
