The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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