I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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