mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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