I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
