Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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