My first STD was from a foam party
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
