I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
