youre lurking in front of me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
