my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
