He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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