everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
