he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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