mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
