feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
