The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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